Mental Notes

I am now making mental notes to myself as the timer clicks downward, second by second, toward Day One. It is now Friday, March 23^rd, 2012, and day one is 3 days and about 6 hrs away. And that means in 4 days I will be awake and eating jello! And, I'll be on morphine, too. Oh Boy!

So I am watching time dissolve before my eyes, thinking about all the things I need to get done, and all the things I still need to do. Then I have to figure out what I will take with me to Seattle. In my mind I picture a Hollywood Diva, my hubby coming into the room and saying “Are you ready? Where are your bags?” and then me, the Diva, casually thumbing over my shoulder to my baggage, as I click my way down the hall on my stilettos, pulling my pashmina up over my shoulders as I go. Hubby looks behind me and what does he see? 2 steamer trunks, 14 little suitcases, 2 overnight bags, and 2 overstuffed tote bags; one of which carries a loaf of bread; a baguette, leaning up against a couple of fashion magazines, and a big straw hat.

In reality, I’ll probably have a brown paper bag with handles stuffed with my robe, underwear, sweat pants, my book and my laptop, although I do reserve the right to put them into my black leather attaché case if they fit inside.

In the past week, I have hemmed and hawed, getting frustrated at times because I have wanted to prepare for this, and yet in many cases have been unable to do so because of timelines and deadlines that haven’t yet happened. Then a snowstorm got in the way of all of my personal plans and the week kind of went out the window. One thing that has pestered me completely is bill paying. I want nothing more than to have all of our bills paid before we leave, in the same fashion that I do for Holidays:

Once everything has been paid, then I get to sit back and relax and have fun. But if one single bill has not yet been paid, it will gnaw at me like a puncture wound does, or like a piece of fingernail skin that has been partially torn off leaving a little nub that cannot be reached by the teeth, resulting in pain every single time it is brushed up against.

I have no issue paying the bills, but today with online paying, some of the bills will not even allow access to an account until there is a bill to be paid. Is this a form of cruelty that some corporations use to drive anal retentive folks like me crazy? Is this an inane form of punishment for wanting to pay bills early? Is this the reverse side of the cruelty that they impose on those that pay late? Sometimes I think that they are just financial sadists, applying retribution to anyone who would dare to step outside their boundaries.

Ok, so I have every bill paid except for the two that refuse to allow a person to prepay. Both are utility bills. And then there’s the bill for “One” of our major credit cards who shall go nameless. Ahem. That “One” actually will accept any amount between their specified cut-off dates, no problem with that. At one time they were exposed for their game of shrinking transit times in regard to due dates vs. late fees thereby giving their patrons less than a week to pay their bills, once they are actually received in the mail (which brings them vast sums of late fee monies, from otherwise on time bill payers). Laws were made to stop that. They now accept any payment, but if a payer is ahead of their cut-off date, a new bill is still generated with the same amount due and with original due date anyway. So even if a person pays early; if it is even one hour before their computer cuts off the statement, they will still end up right where they were before they ever paid that bill early, and the result will be a double payment for the preceding month. And if the next payment goes one minute after their due date those huge late fees are then added to their balance and their account receives a “hash mark;” call it a an electronic whipping lash on their back for the punishment of stepping outside the lines drawn. So I am waiting for 3 dates to arrive in order to quell my brain and finally relax before surgery. One of the dates is the day before surgery, while we are in Seattle.

Now one of the things I am trying to avoid is using any passwords in a Wi-Fi area that is not my own (and self created) password protected zone. I would like to be surfing sites that do not used any specific passwords and things like that, when I am in the hotel room or at the hospital, because it never seems to fail that when my friends are out of town, that is when they get hacked. So I am not all that comfortable with the accessing of bank accounts and credit cards while I am away from home. Let’s just be safe rather than sorry afterward. I can change my Facebook password if necessary, and my shops passwords, even though the shops have now been put in vacation status. So what’s left My Pinterest account? LOL

My daughter’s schedule has now been changed so that she can go to her program for 5 days per week rather than her regular 3 days per week, and her bus schedule has been adapted to match her new program schedule. Her caregiver is coming over tomorrow to go over the things that are necessary to be maintained while we are gone, which means life with our daughter, and the cat (whom our daughter will tend as a ‘job’ by measuring kibble into her bowl twice daily).

I have an ongoing list here on the computer that I will not print until the last moment, since I keep remembering things that will need to be done. Each time I add sometime I silently vow to increase her pay, which should indicate just how wonderful I feel she is, for coming to live at our house while we are gone. I have a belief that one never scrimps on a caregiver or a server because a person wants them to want to come back again in the future.

So my list keeps getting one new thing added at a time. Almost everything added at this point are just reminders of where things are located in the house and the way certain things are handled, most of which are meant to appear seamless to our daughter’s daily groove.

Tomorrow, I will remove the mail box key from my key ring, for our caregiver, and place it next to the medical insurance card on the sink. An envelope of cash will be added to that, since one never knows what may come up while we’re gone. Luckily, we will be a cell phone call away when the things I have missed, come up. And that reminds me to add to my list: My cell phone recharger and my laptop’s wire harness.

Next up are my clothes. What to take? Do they have hospital gowns? I am assuming they will want access to both sides, and each end of me.

I haven’t forgotten my earlier image of walking out into the nursing area in my open-backed gown while towing my little wagon of tubes, wires, hanging bottles, and gauges at 4AM in search of espresso, or anything but decaf.

So I imagine I will not need any nightgown, which in my case happens to be my hubby’s giant T Shirts, with my socks hanging at my ankles. Do I take slippers? Hubby just told me yesterday that he bought me a pair of “softy socks” with rubber soles! Yay!!! I can walk on electric wires now! And I can also stop myself if I start to snow ski or ice skate on the super shiny and clean hospital floors when I am wandering around looking for caffeine fix... If they work well he’ll buy me another pair too! He always thinks of things like this, things I never would have remembered to get for myself. This is why we make such a great team together, we actually complete each other!

So I figure I will need actual clothing for only a short amount of time. Travel clothing up to Seattle, and for one day of testing, and clothing for the homebound trip. In addition to that I may need clothing for a dinner that first (or last) night in Seattle before the surgery. In other words a black turtleneck and jeans should cover everything I have just mentioned about driving up to Seattle and the time before surgery.

After I am released (if I am released early) we may stay until the 2 week period of hotel reservation is completed so I may need some clothing for that too, even if it is just pajamas. An extra “hubby t-shirt” and of course, all of the side clothing accoutrement; the socks and underwear will have to be packed. Bras will not be tolerated after surgery, and are barely tolerated now, so I will wear a sport bra, a stretched out, worn out and almost dissolved sport bra that I stole from my daughter, in order to remain supported and yet comfortable.

This is something that I have not gone into here before, but due to the emphysema and COPD, with the expansion of the lungs, the ribcage also expands (thank goodness) to support the enlarged lungs, so all of my Victoria’s Secret pretty bras have become somewhat of a moot point in the past year or so. All of my lacy and pretty “push-up&outs,” have now become the last thing on my mind, giving way to the comfort of older worn and stretched out cotton knit bras from way in the back of the drawer.

Then my hubby had another fantastic idea! Our daughter has her old and worn out sports bras that no longer carry much “sport” in them, and she is one size larger than me, so why not borrow some of her more worn out bras until after surgery? What a great idea! I found 3 of her rather holey and nicely stretched out sports bras and they fit perfectly, so I have finally achieved some relief and they have even afforded me a bit of cleavage! Of course, they will not even be tolerated after surgery.

When I leave the hospital from surgery, I will have either multiple suture lines on each side of my ribcage or one long and bright red suture line down the front, if it ends up necessary so the very last thing I’ll be wearing is a bra of any kind.

All of this bra talk reminds me that after surgery I will also be needing all of my shirts to be open-in-the-front shirts, my undershirts to be my hubbies cast down gray sleeveless tanks that are so loose fitting on me that I have to be careful where the armholes are laying at any given time. They should be perfect under the man-sized button down broadcloth shirts I plan to take on hangers. The hanger will insure that they stay somewhat wrinkle free, but of course, once I touch them, the wrinkle free status will completely disappear.

For some reason wrinkles and I go together like ham and cheese. Even wrinkle-free items wrinkle on me. Oh well. I don’t really think that will change after surgery. If I believed that, perhaps my early 30’s appearance will re-manifest too.

Well, other than that, I guess my personal products like toothbrush and paste and those things have to go too. Should I take hair products and a brush; or should I just let nature takes its course with my wrinkled clothing and all. That’ll look good! OK, I will take my brush, and some rubber bands, bobby pins, and perhaps some Bumble and bumble styling crème, since it makes hair look dirty and more malleable, which in my case means it takes the frizz down.

Head bands won’t cut it, making my hair look like it is on fire directly behind any band I attempt to use to control it. And with the new violet and magenta side panels I now wear on my right side, it might scare the nurses when my hair stands on end after sleeping in it for days on end. Oh yes, I must not forget my video cam and lots of batteries, too!

One of my friends who has had the unfortunate opportunity of numerous hospital stays has reminded me to take my own bath towel, since hospital towels are usually between the size of a washcloth and a gym towel and once in the shower, if the towel supply is a bit thin or cannot accommodate a person one must wait until the nurse appears after a person summons them to the shower for an extra towel. So if I am feeling a bit modest, I might heed her advice and take one of my own bath towels from home. That also stands for a blanket and pillow. The blanket can be a single-person blanket, one that makes a person feel good (I turn and look at my plushie blanket next to me on the sofa…check).

My friend also mentioned that the hospital pillows are usually hard and of course, plastic coated (probably for sleep droolers like me) so I might be happy if I have my own soft pillow, and she even mentioned that she prefers her neck pillow when she has to stay in the hospital. I am taking all of her advice and while I don’t usually have the need for a neck pillow unless I am in a jet, because I am a solid side sleeper, which is something I am told I probably will not be doing after surgery, I might be in good hands if I do listen to her and pack one of my bed pillows, my hubbies neck pillow and my favorite sofa blanket in the back of the car right before we leave.

I wonder if this might be a good time to open our Oregon State College Beaver Snuggie to take with us. I was told that while in Washington’s Husky territory, the only thing worse than a Beaver, is a Duck and worse that a Duck, is the pariah of all time, a Cougar.

So we’ll have to think this one out before we go. I figure that if we lose anything at all; let it be the Beaver Snuggie and not my favorite plushie sofa blanket.

So armed with my laptop and my “Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest" book, I am good to go if they have a remote control in the hospital and the TV isn’t all Hospital “How to” Breast feed your baby, dress your own bandages, and handling you IV ports.

This time we’ll take more snacks, like cheese slices that I will slice from my big block of super sharp cheddar, cuties, cookies, more water, and the almonds I didn’t get to munch on last time due to my swollen tooth, the inability to bite down and the pain that came with it all. Now that we know where we are going we can also stop for food on the way if we want something fast and nasty to eat, which of course, I always love to do when I am on the road.

So, in my angst of not being able to pay all of my bills before leaving for surgery, while waiting for my laundry to go through its processes, to pass time, I have taken it upon myself to open a bottle of Chili Beer and settle into the HBO Series called “The Game of Thrones” in Hi Def, no less…One thing is sure, after watching Game of Thrones, nothing will scare me at the hospital now…